Utah

The angel Maccaroni pulls giant prank on John Smith by telling him to wear magic underwear, move to Utah, and willingly marry more than one woman. The mormon church has gone on to be a model example of kindness, family values, and bike riding.

YFZ Ranch

Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ members found themselves short about 420 children when the US Government decided that Freedom of Religion did not necessarily include the right to underage multiple marriage. Their prophet already in the lock-up, the FLDS church is not sure how much longer they will be able to re-enact Little House on the Prairie episodes.

Waco, Texas

The U.S. Government asserted its strong anti-cult values when the ATF burnt down the Branch Davidian Compound/Asenal/Worship Center after a 51-day standoff. Unfortunately for the Branch Davidians, including Mr. Davidian himself, most of them were trapped inside at the time and were immolated along with their secret path to heaven.

Jonestown, South America

A serene utopia, perfectly situated in the tropical jungle. Amenities include nearby landing strip and communal showers. Refreshments will be provided.

World's Largest Jesus

Jesus narrowly beat out runner-up Pele, international soccer legend, as the subject of the 130-foot tall statue. 'I'm sufficiently far away from all those poor bastards moaning my name down there and the view is great,' Jesus said.

Church of England HQ

England's King Henry VIII bid adios to salvation and said hello to Anne "Homewrecker" Boleyn, despite the Pope's persistant cockblocking. Catherine of Aragon joined the First Wives Club and an entire church--the Church of England--was created just so Henry could get himself a piece of Anne. You'd think the Brits would be a little more passionate in the sack with such a tawdry dogmatic beginning.

Cerne Abbas Giant

Censored in 1940 by the English government to prevent viewing by Luftwaffe pilots flying over the Berkshire Downs, the Cerne Abbas Giant features the largest known cartoon penis of the ancient world.

Read More...

Virgin Mary appearance

14-year old emo girl claims that the Virgin Mary appeared to her in the woods. 150 years later, the town boasts healing waters, 'confirmed' miracles, 5 million pilgrims yearly and more souvenir shops hawking Virgin Mary fridge magnets than anywhere else in the world. In a recent environmentally friendly move, all the neon lights are now powered solely by the Holy Spirit.

First Printing Press

The first printing press was used to create the Gutenberg Bible, an example of devotion, art, innovation, and craftsmanship. The printing press however was soon applied to other more profitable ventures like the Gutenberg Daily Gossip wich followed celebrity news in 15th century Germany.

Pope John Paul II sighted in Poland

The late Pope John Paul II appeared in a bonfire in his native Poland some weeks ago. The Pope materialized in an open flame and gave a sermon on the horrors of damnation before disappearing as the campers began roasting their s'mores.

Fair Game

"L Ron Hubbard, commodore of the Sea Org, creator of Scientology, issued the Fair Gameorder to his legions of followers against people or groups that "actively seeks to suppress or damage Scientology or a Scientologist by Suppressive Acts."

ENEMY — SP Order. Fair game. May be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed."

Jerusalem

Post WWII zoning laws give displaced Jews their own State, right next to a bunch of assholes who no one else wanted to live near.

Ten Commandments

God's memo to Moses: "Cut out the false idol crap, don't kill anybody and for Christ's sake, quit schtupping your neighbor's wife!" Not bad, but the movie's better. Charlton Heston was dreamy.

Mecca

Britney Spears to play to sold out crowd at Muslim holiest city Mecca. Stoning of the celebrity trainwreck to follow.

Megiddo

Immolated Monk

To protest the religiously oppressive Catholic Diem regime that controlled the South Vietnamese government, Thich Quang Duc, a Buddhist monk, doused himself with gasoline, sat down, and lit himself on fire. He never moved a muscle. That day Duc became a hero for everyone that would rather burn alive than sit through another liturgy.